Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Why isn't it cut and dry?

When I started this cycle, knowing it was open to IUI or IVF depending on my response, all I wanted was the decision of which way to go to be clear. Well it's not.

When I got home last night, DH and I had a long, often tense, discussion about this cycle. Why, he asked, is your doctor considering IVF when there are only 7 follicles and we've been told that probably 80% of my eggs are bad and that I should have 8 - 10 or more follicles for IVF. Why does she think this will work?

I didn't have a good answer and of course, IVF hasn't been suggested yet but it hasn't been ruled out. What will change before the next appointment? he wanted to know. I don't know. I don't think 3 more follicles will magically mature.

I am optimistic (who knows why) and want this to work. So I'm hopeful that IVF is just the thing we need to do and that IUI hasn't worked because it just isn't going to work. Maybe the shells on my eggs are too hard for the sperm to break and ISCI will solve that.

DH was advocating that we should do IUI again this month and maybe it will work because I had that surgery to remove the fibroid tumor. And if it doesn't work, we try IVF next time and hope for more than 7 follicles. I agree with that logic. It's just that I don't know if I want to go through this again. Part of me wants the final answer now. So we can then move on. I can't dismiss that the $10,000 out of pocket is a big part of this decision. Are we wasting $10,000 to find out that all 7 eggs are bad or are we putting $10,000 toward our best option.

I don't know the answer. I am going to the doctor armed with a list of questions that I will need to be answered if she recommends going through with IVF.

Frankly, so much about IF is making decisions. About trying, about paying, about how many times, about when to give up and what to do next. I feel like every month, we remake all of these decisions. I'm so tired of that.

Anyway, I don't know what the good doc will recommend but I'll find out soon enough. Either way, I'll be happy to have this stretch of time over.


Meghan said...

All of these decisions are HARD. I never thought I'd be having some of these conversations with my DH.

Good luck with your appointment tomorrow and with whatever you decide

Jennifer said...

I'm sorry this is so frustrating...I hope you get the answers you're looking for from your RE, so you can decide between IUI/IVF.

Good luck!!!

Chris said...

Yes, this is so frustrating and the decisions you are required to make are nearly impossible because it feels like you just never have enough information to make the right decision. As you know, IVF didn't work for me, and I had all of the exact same questions that you do. I expected IVF to answer my questions about egg quality, so that is a big reason we did it. It seemed so important to KNOW, definitively, one way or the other. Unfortunately, even after doing IVF I had no more answers than I did at the beginning. Perhaps that was the biggest letdown of all. I guess I'm really not being that helpful at all here, but please know that I do understand and I really am trying to be supportive. About all I can suggest is that you make the best decisions you can, don't beat yourself up over them, don't look back, and keep your expectations low and your hope high.

JC said...

Whatever decision you make is the right one FOR YOU. Do the best you can with the data you have, then feel good about the choice and don't let anyone else's opinion make you feel otherwise.