Well, not totally official - that will be via the blood test tomorrow but I'm not holding out any type of hope for a reversal of fortune here.
I was very sad this morning and yesterday when I saw that it was most likely going to be negative but I have to say that I feel better now. Knowing the result is worth a lot. I was anxious the last two weeks, carrying around the weight of wondering, hoping, planning, etc and now that is off my shoulders. I am not happy with the answer - I would rather be celebrating and planning and jumping for joy right now - that would be a fun experience - but knowing has value and being in that limbo period is tough on the ol' emotions.
What next? I don't know. This was the 5th IUI and frankly, at age 41, I may have to admit that my eggs are not all they are cracked up to be (and they are only cracked up to be about 20% good so that's not saying much). We could try IVF since I have now met the threshold of 8 follicles in one cycle (that's the number my doc said I have to come up with to make IVF even a little bit worth it) OR we could keep trying IUIs just hoping that one of the good eggs will finally make an appearance OR we could look into a donor egg.
Not being able to make this decision on our own, I am going to set up a consult with the good doctor and get her input on this situation. If my chances with IVF using my own eggs are close to null, then maybe I should do IVF with a donor egg instead and save money/emotions/time. I don't know what to do.
I want to start my family. The anxiety of wondering when/how that is going to happen is excruciating. I don't want to keep the option open that we won't have children. We both want children. We want to be parents. IVF with a donor egg may be the way to make that happen. Adoption is another way that it may happen.
So, here I am - not quite back where I started since after 5 IUIs, I have some information about my eggs and my response to meds, etc, but in the big picture of things, 10 months of treatments and I am exactly where I was when I started.
Any ideas out there?
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Oh, damn, I’m so sorry. Let’s hope it’s one of those late implanters and your beta will show something. I agree that it’s better going into the beta at least having an idea. Dang it, things just are not fair.
Sorry this is so long…..As for your next step – and I am probably not the best one to give my opinion since I have not hit the next step of IVF (though that may be the next step if my current IUI fails)… but if they tried IVF with your own eggs, could they then at least tell the quality by how many fertilize? For instance, if they are able to get 8 eggs, and 5 or 6 fertilize (or all 8!) that would mean that your eggs are ok. (right?) Is there any other test they can do to determine ‘egg quality’ without doing IVF? Again, my knowledge so far is limited on some issues. If for some unfortunate reason it is an egg issue, continuing IUIs may then just not be effective.
At least you know that you do respond to the meds… I know it’s so upsetting to have IUI after IUI and not get results, without any definite reason why it isn’t working. I asked my RE before I started injectibles why he seemed more confident with the injectibles – what was the difference between that and Clomi.d, since I had responded to Clomi.d ‘so well’ with no results. RE said if you try Clomi.d w/IUIs and it doesn’t work, that you can really discount the results since Clomi.d works so much differently than the injectibles, and may cause other issues that they still don’t know about which could get in the way of success. I know they already know Clomi.d can have an adverse effect on CM. So possibly, this may ‘count’ as your 3rd IUI – maybe. Again, I have much less experience and less knowledge than many of the other gals out there, so if I am wrong on anything, someone please correct me. I won’t mind!
Again, I’m so sorry you didn’t get a BFP on the test. I hope your doctor can provide you with more information and insight on your next step.
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