Well, not totally official - that will be via the blood test tomorrow but I'm not holding out any type of hope for a reversal of fortune here.
I was very sad this morning and yesterday when I saw that it was most likely going to be negative but I have to say that I feel better now. Knowing the result is worth a lot. I was anxious the last two weeks, carrying around the weight of wondering, hoping, planning, etc and now that is off my shoulders. I am not happy with the answer - I would rather be celebrating and planning and jumping for joy right now - that would be a fun experience - but knowing has value and being in that limbo period is tough on the ol' emotions.
What next? I don't know. This was the 5th IUI and frankly, at age 41, I may have to admit that my eggs are not all they are cracked up to be (and they are only cracked up to be about 20% good so that's not saying much). We could try IVF since I have now met the threshold of 8 follicles in one cycle (that's the number my doc said I have to come up with to make IVF even a little bit worth it) OR we could keep trying IUIs just hoping that one of the good eggs will finally make an appearance OR we could look into a donor egg.
Not being able to make this decision on our own, I am going to set up a consult with the good doctor and get her input on this situation. If my chances with IVF using my own eggs are close to null, then maybe I should do IVF with a donor egg instead and save money/emotions/time. I don't know what to do.
I want to start my family. The anxiety of wondering when/how that is going to happen is excruciating. I don't want to keep the option open that we won't have children. We both want children. We want to be parents. IVF with a donor egg may be the way to make that happen. Adoption is another way that it may happen.
So, here I am - not quite back where I started since after 5 IUIs, I have some information about my eggs and my response to meds, etc, but in the big picture of things, 10 months of treatments and I am exactly where I was when I started.
Any ideas out there?