We're going out of town for a week to get some rest and relaxation. I am going chill out, read, sleep, and basically get ready for the excitement of the donor egg cycle.

The shots are going well. Lupron is easy and I haven't noticed any side effects. I feel a little bloated but that may be because I'm having my first period after 7 weeks on birth control. I'm glad to get off that.

Happy 4th of July everyone.

Didn't know how lucky I had it

We have done 6 IUIs over the past 18 months. My insurance paid for everything except about $500 - that includes meds, co-pays, and all appointments. My insurance is not paying for this donor egg cycle. So, we have to pay for the medication for the donor. She is getting the same stuff I have used -dilute hcg, hcg trigger, gona.l f, and ganarelix. I got the call from the pharmacy yesterday and the total is $2,200.

Wow. That made me very appreciative of my insurance. We may have made different decisions along the way if we had to pay the full price for the meds . I guess the outcome wouldn't have been any different but it would have been harder to decide to do each IUI if the meds alone would have cost 2 grand. I know a lot of you have had to pay that cost on your own all along. That must have complicated each decision.

So, I'm sitting here feeling grateful.

Shots in the belly, my old friend

Monday night I gave myself my first shot in the belly since January! I've been on the bench for a long time waiting for this donor egg thing to get rolling. I guess we could have fit in an IUI or two during that time.

Here's my protocol, for those interested:

2 weeks of 20 units of Lupron

Then I start estrace (tablet taken orally) twice daily + a baby aspirin and decrease lupron to 10 units a day. This will go for about two weeks

Just after the egg retrieval, I'll start taking progesterone and continue with estrace and baby aspirin

Just before the 5 day transfer, I'll add a 5 day antibiotic to the mix.

This is much easier than my injectible IUI protocol. They only have to prepare my lining and I do not have to generate loads of follicles. I'll have two ultrasound/bloodwork appointments to make sure everything is on schedule and then the transfer.

Again, WOO HOO!

The thing I didn't mention last week ** UPDATED **

I didn't mention this last week, nor did I tell dh, because I had this hope that by not mentioning it, it would go away. But today I will know the facts.

When I had my baseline ultrasound last week, the doc thought that I had a cyst on one of my ovaries. She was having trouble seeing it for some reason and keep jamming the probe every which way, which was a bit uncomfortable. I did see something that looked huge but even after 20 months of looking at ultrasound screens, I'm still not an expert.

I told her that I thought birth control pills prevented cysts from coming and she said, "sometimes". Not what I wanted to hear. Anyway, she couldn't get a good view on the ovary so she decided to let it go until today when I have the water test. So, of course, I've been worrying all weekend that they are going to find a $%#^@! cyst and it will delay my egg donor cycle.

I DON'T WANT THAT! I want to get going on this. I have all my drugs sitting on the counter waiting for me to start taking them tonight. I'm ready in every way. So, 4 hours until my appointment and I'm starting to lose it a bit.

Please, don't let there be a cyst........................... Wish me luck.

**UPDATE**

The appointment went great - no cysts on the ovaries and the sonohystogram showed a perfect uterus! I was so relieved!

I paid a whopping amount of money today and now everything is set. I start the lupron tonight and take it for the next two weeks. Estimated ER = July 23 (one month from today) and ET = July 28.

WOO HOO - we're on the way! The official start date of this donor egg cycle is TODAY!! Can you tell I'm excited?

Sneaky Hope

Last night, I dreamt I was pregnant. And not newly pregnant but 7 months pregnant and I was very calm and collected about it.

First time I've had a pregnant dream in ages.

I'm trying to keep her a little at bay but hope is sneaking into my subconscious.

Now we are getting down to business

Finally!

I went in for a baseline ultrasound - seems like forever since I've had one of those. I have to have another sonohystogram (saline water test). This will be my third one. I guess they don't like to put embryos in unless they know the uterus is up to snuff. I had the surgery to remove the fibroid tumor in November but I haven't had one since and who knows what could have popped up in that time.

I'll start lupro.n on Monday and then two weeks later, the donor starts her meds and then we are off to the races.

I am feeling so emotionally ready for this. In the beginning stages, I was worrying about the child's feeling about being an egg donor child and along with that, I was really worried about the money (it's a helluva lot of money) but now I am at peace with it all. I guess it was good that things took a little longer than we expected. It made me ready. In all ways.

So, assuming everything goes well, embryo transfer will be the last week of July.

The chances are better than anything else I've tried so I'm hopeful. DH is really hopeful (probably too hopeful but when I try to tell him that it still may not work, it doesn't seem to register). He is planning on this working. I wish I had that confidence but I'm too wary for that. The first IUI's BFN blindsided me. I won't let that happen to me again.

Anyway, that's negative talk. The time is now. Get ready for the ride!!

Revision Again

Slight change in the plans. We will still get this done in July but more towards the end instead of mid-month. The latest estimated dates are that I will start Lupron on June 20. The donor will begin her stims on July 11 with retrieval around the 23 or 24 and the embryo transfer (please! let there be a transfer) 3 - 5 days after that. So looking at the two week wait completed in early August. I've given up on my 4th of July surprise but that's fine. I can enjoy the 4th without being in the agony of the 2WW.

Meanwhile, I'm determined to take this time to get in better shape. I pulled out my bicycle about 2 weeks ago to go buy some frozen yogurt and I was surprised how much I loved being on the bike. I have been using the elliptical machine at gym for the last few months and and my legs have gotten much stronger. Well, stronger legs make for an easier time riding a bike. There's a hill to our house that used to wipe me out and now I can go up it easily. So, with this newfound bike riding ability, I've been trying to ride my bike every day. I woke up early this morning and took a 30 minute ride around my town. It was great! Very few cars on the road and I really enjoyed it. So, my goal for the next 6 weeks is to keep riding my bike and see if I can drop 5 or 6 pounds. It's nice to be outside rather than in the gym, too.

All this waiting is trying my patience, though I know it does serve a purpose. I am getting more emotionally ready for this as each day passes. I am anxious for it to happen rather than resigned that this is what I have to do to get pregnant. DH and I have had a lot of time to talk about all the options. We certainly don't feel rushed. And we've been able to put this as our first priority over the summer, delaying making plans saying that this is the most important thing we are doing now; everything else can work around it. It feels nice to be single minded on this topic.

The money is a worry but I borrowed money for grad school and a car and those have been paid off. Why not borrow money for a chance at a baby?

Oh, and the best news? I don't have to do PIO! I am going to use the progestero.ne suppositories again. I don't love them but honestly, I was dreading those intramuscular shots. DH was claiming that he was ready to give them to me no problem but when I told him last night that he was off the hook, he shouted hallelujah!

It didn't help my confidence in this whole thing

Last night, we had our consultation with the lawyer over the egg donor contract. We did it be phone and she went over all of the issues in the contract to be sure we understood everything. It's pretty cut and dry and we had read it beforehand so there were no surprises.

She did, however, mention several times that we are paying for an opportunity and not an outcome. Meaning that we are taking a lot of risk and if the egg donors eggs aren't good or don't fertilize or the embryos don't make it to freeze, etc, etc, it's not her fault. She is agreeing to go through the process on our behalf. She is not guaranteeing that we will have a successful outcome.

Of course I know all this. And this is where my biggest fear lies. That we will go through all of this, pay all this money, and be in the same spot we are now: childless. I don't want to have the make the decision again as to what to do. We have had to make so many fricken decisions during this whole process. I thought my big decision was to go to an RE in the first place. Little did I know what we would end up getting involved with. And to think, at my first meeting with the RE, I refused to even consider injectibles - opting for clomid even though he said at my age, clomid wasn't the best way to go. Injecting myself just seemed so extreme at the time. And now look where we are.

I guess with IF there is no way to get around the waiting. The 2 week wait is the worst. This waiting isn't so bad but I'm just ready to get on with it already. We made the decision to go with a donor egg in early Feb and it's looking like we won't be getting that actual egg (please!) until late July. I'm losing time here. Not much I can do about it so I'm trying to relax and focus on the end goal - a child - and how great that will be to have a child in our lives. I can't wait.

Where have I been?

I hate to report that there is still NOTHING going on. I thought I would be on my way by now but I'm not. I'm still waiting to sign the official paperwork from the attorney, which will be this Thursday and I haven't heard much from the REs office. Only that most of the bloodwork on the eggdonor was done and they were waiting for one more result to come in. That was early last week.

So, I'm twiddling my thumbs wondering when this all will start. I know once it does, it will go quick so I'm prepared for that, too. We haven't planned anything for this month since we don't know when anything will happen. I know I'll have a day or two of bedrest in there somewhere. I'm just trying to chill and keep up on my exercise and healthy eating.

As soon as I get the word go, I'll let you all know... I'm hopeful it will be in the next week or so.

**UPDATE**

I just got a message from the donor coordinator. It looks like things are pushed back a month. We will get things started when the egg donor starts her cycle which should be around the 20th of June. She'll go on the pill for a couple of weeks and I'll start Lupron. Egg retrieval should be mid July with embryo transfer 3 - 5 days after that. I'm a little disappointed. The plan to have everything said and done by the 4th of July is out the window. It gives me more time to prepare but frankly, I'm ready already. Oh well, I'll take advantage of this extra month to get my body ready. And I'll enjoy my time not being stressed out by the mother of all two week waits. The $30,000 two week wait....