I was talking to my close friend this week and this egg donor situation and what it was like to choose a donor and she got a little testy with me. She kept pressing me about the fact that it wasn't important who the donor was and that it was only important how we raised our child. That education didn't matter. I tried to explain that I know that but since I have to chose some one, why not chose some one who has a college degree (like I do). She was really rankled by the whole discussion and it was a bit disconcerting to me.
Then yesterday she called me and told me that she had been thinking about our talk and trying to figure out what was going on for her and she decided that she didn't like it that I referred to the egg donor as the "bio mom". She's a mother of three herself and one of hers is adopted. She felt strongly that the egg donor is not a "mom" in any sense - that I will carry the child and give birth to the child so it is very different from a birth mother.
She compared it to a sperm donor and asked if people refer to the sperm donor as the "bio dad". I guess they don't.
I guess I'm confused as to what role, symbolic or otherwise, the egg donor will play in the child's life (assuming a child comes from this). Will the child think of that person and wonder what she is like or will the child think not too much about her at all?
I am aware that as people become young adults, identity becomes a major focus in their lives. I worry most of all about that time period for a child.
How different is a egg donor from a birth mother? Do people call surrogates birth mothers? Any thoughts?