Monday, February 4, 2008

It's Official

It's negative and we have an appointment with the doctor on Friday to discuss the whole egg donor thing and even look at their books of donors from which to choose.

I am on one side really excited that we might do something that has a chance of actually working and on the other side a little bit paralyzed with the realization that if we have a baby, it will not be genetically linked to me and all of my past ancestors. I know it doesn't really really matter. I mean, if someone dropped a baby on my doorstep tonight, I would claim it as my own and raise it up without a thought. I would love that child. I know intellectually I would love a donor egg child, too, but there's that part of me that is sad about it. And I don't know if that will go away. I suppose it will. I am just having to grieve this a bit.

DH wants to start the DE cycle asap but I think I'd like to wait a few months and let myself mentally and emotionally prepare without the hassle of doctor appointments, etc. The doc says it usually takes 2 or 3 months to get everything organized.

Anyway, I do feel good about having some options and moving on from the roller coaster. Or, as I told my doctor, it wasn't much of a roller coaster since it only went downhill...

7 comments:

jeanie said...

I'm so sorry about the BFN. As always, you handle bad news with a grace that I envy. Some child, whether through DE, or whatever path you ultimately choose, is going to get very very lucky.

Chris said...

Oh crap. I'm so sorry. Good for you for moving on though. Don't worry about it taking a couple of months. You need the time for your body to prepare and for your mind to fully wrap around everything.

Jennifer said...

Damnit! I was really holding out hope for that beta test. I sorry it turned out BFN! I wish you all the best with your donor egg journey...I hope it goes well and is a true success for you!

~Carrie said...

I can't express how sorry I am. :(
You always seem so strong and have been through so much. I hope your DE cycle (or whatever you decide) works out. You certainly deserve it.

CAM said...

Oh crap...I'm sorry. I think its a good idea to wait awhile to have it sink in. It will take some time to put it together so you'll have time anyway. I know how you feel and I am struggling with similar issues, I guess it just takes time.
Try to stay positive even in these tough times...

Claire said...

Ohh, f^@&!!! Take the time you need to recuperate. No rush with DE. You've got time. I find out the fate of my eggs on Friday!

Swim said...

I'm so so sorry this cycle didn't turn out positive. Take time for yourself to grieve, you deserve it.

Oh how I wish there was a real stork who flew down and dropped off babies to those of us who want them some much...

Lots of hugs to you.