The Saddest Part

of this whole thing is that even though we are so actively trying to have a baby, we rarely talk about the actual baby that might come. It's like an unwritten rule that we won't talk about it until there's proof that one might be on the way.

The first IUI was on a weekend. After the IUI, we went out to a really nice lunch. Then we went home and rested. That night, we talked at length about the baby. We really thought it would work - that the IUI was going to solve our problem. How could it not? 20 million sperm right there with the perfectly timed ovulated egg? That night I learned that mh has ideas about what kind of stroller/car seat combo he wants and that he wants to make a crib for the baby. We talked about decorating the room for the baby. It was a great night. We were so hopeful.

Well, after, before, or even during IUI #2 and IUI #3, there was no such talk. Just the logistics of the procedure.

As I prepare for IUI #4, frankly, I don't think it will work but I feel I have to try at least one more time. Then, we'll try IVF. I don't want to come out at the end of this and not feel that we tried everything. I don't want to be in old age and say, well, we didn't try IVF because it costs $10,000 or because I was afraid of the shots.

So, we'll try. And at some point, we'll give up. And then we'll move on.