Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Well, that was a bad idea

I tested. It was negative.

All day yesterday, I was feeling AF type cramps though I wasn't nearly as tired as I had been on the weekend. When I came home, DH was still at work, so I read back to my last IUI in January to see what my symptoms were. And they were AF type cramps. So I got depressed thinking that all my symptoms were just side effects of the drugs. When DH came home, I was a morose mess with no hope.

He was confident that it had worked and I think he thought a BFP would cheer me up (to put it mildly). So, we decided to test this morning. I poased and he read it. I couldn't bring myself to look at it myself.

Negative.

I sobbed like a baby all morning. It was good to test at home rather than get the call at the office. No matter how much you tell yourself you are prepared for a bfn, it is still a gut wrenching experience. I'm still taking my drugs and I'll still go in for the beta tomorrow (just to be sure).

That was money we didn't have. I don't know what's next. I want to be a mom. He wants to be a dad. This is a pathetic situation.

21 comments:

Wordgirl said...

Oh I am so sorry. I, of course, am always willing to hold out a ridiculous amount of hope --

I'm so sorry. I wish I could give you a giant hug.

Love,

Pam

Roni said...

Ok, you are 8dp5t today, which amounts to 13dpo. Sometimes those tests will give you a BFP, sometimes they won't - even when they tout as early detectors. Sometimes these embies are slow starters, and the beta can be low to start. I'm going to still pray that you get a BFP when you go to test - the blood tests are much more sensitive than the POAS.

I don't want to give false hope, but don't take this as the be-all end-all just yet. I am so sorry that you had the BFN but I'm going to pray that the blood test tells you differently.

FYI I've heard many stories where the POAS was negative and the beta had a low level that still doubled nicely and a successful pregnancy happened.

DE Mommy said...

Ugh.

that was like a punch in the gut.

Did you use a FRER?

I hope it's just too soon.

Jennifer said...

Hopefully the pee stick results are just too soon to pick up that BFP...I'm holding out hope for that beta! Fingers crossed!!!

Meghan said...

Really hoping that you've got a late bloomer in there and you get some good news tomorrow.

Sorry about this morning though, seeing that 1 line really is just the worst way to start your day. Sending lots of hugs your direction

Egged Out said...

You all are too nice. We used an internet cheapie and it hasn't been wrong yet (alway bfn and always right). I won't declare it totally over until the beta tomorrow. I will not poas tomorrow morning. I don't need to see that one liner more than once.

jeanie said...

I'm still hoping for a late day post with some happy news. I so want this to work for you and wish there was some way it still could. All I can say is that I'm thinking about you.

birdy said...

I used the internet cheapies too - guess what?? BFN, and it was positive when I went for a beta (and the OPK cheapies always worked fine). I have my fingers crossed for you - and am hoping we ordered our sticks from the same internet site!! :)

Phoebe said...

I'm so sorry. You put a huge amount of effort into this and it's such a let down. I agree with the other commentors that I wouldn't put money on an internet cheapie POAS stick.

~Carrie said...

I want to cry with you - I am so sorry. It's such a horrible feeling (to say the least) to see the lack of second line...I am praying that it's a false negative. I don't want to give you false hope either...but please let this just be a late implanter.

Rachel said...

I'm so sorry.

Summer said...

I'm going to hope along with the others that this cheapie test was just wrong.

Trina said...

Sorry - I just knew from your last post that it took! I'll say what others have said - and hope that the test was too early and wrong. I actually had both a home test and the doc's blood test come back BFN and wrong - late bloomer indeed. So there is always hope. You will be in my prayers.

trina

Swim said...

I am so so sorry. This sucks.

Giant hug!

Rebeccah said...

Oh no. I've been worrying my tail off about you ... Will continue to think good thoughts until beta results come in. But I totally totally understand where you are right now. ((hug))

Karen said...

I'm so sorry, but I'm going to continue to hold out hope, okay?

Susan said...

I just found your blog, and all I can say is oh damn, that sucks, sucks, sucks. But -- if it isn't an early detection test, there is still a chance, and I hope that you get it.

Mrs. B said...

Oh honey, I am so very sorry. I pray that they were just late implanters and you may still get a BFP tomorrow. *hugs* to you

DE Mommy said...

Thinking about you for today...

Sue said...

I'm so sorry - sending you hugs.

Kate said...

I'm holding out hope and praying like crazy!!