Of the remaining 5 embryos, none made it to freeze.

Shit.

We are beyond bummed but trying not to dwell on it.

This cycle has to work as we can't afford to do it again. We hoped that with a donor, we would have some to freeze for future efforts, making it worth our $30,000 investment.

This cycle has to work. Please, work.

two embies on board

It's done! It's finally happened and I have two embryos in me.

The transfer went well. The doc offered to transfer three instead of two since only one was a blast and there were two others that looked good but had not become blasts yet. We decided only to go with two. She said that there was a 1 percent chance of triplets which is low, but I don't want to risk it. The best one and the second best one went in and I think those are our best chances any way. They will watch the others (five others as one more fertilized) through tomorrow and freeze all that make it to blast.

I feel confident about my decision. The doc told me that with two, we have a 65 - 70 percent chance and if we add in the third, it goes up to a 75 percent chance. That was not a big enough increase to me to justify risking triplets. I'm operating on the fact that the donor eggs are good and likely to work. If it was my eggs, I'd be more open to putting in more.

The transfer was comfortable. I did not have to have full bladder. I have read about others having a full bladder during this procedure so I was expecting that but they didn't require it. I wonder why?

I'm on bedrest for 48 hours. I have my lap top, ipod, and 5 chick lit books (easy to read). I think I will be able to make it.

Thanks for your support. My blood test is on August 6 - a week from Wednesday. I know that seems like it is right around the corner but surely it will drag on and on and on...

Day Five Transfer on Monday

We're all set for a day 5 transfer on Monday at 1 pm (CA time).

I'm really excited.

All six still going strong!

I just got the call and all six embies are still going strong. They will call me tomorrow morning if they want me to come in tomorrow for a 3 day transfer but most likely it will be on Monday at 12:45. I am relieved that all still look good. This has been more hair raising than I expected.

Thanks for all the kind wishes and hopes for my embies. I'm starting to calm down.

2nd Report

6 fertilized.

I'm really losing my cool here. Will some of them hang around for transfer? Will we have any to freeze?

At this point, I'm not worried about freezing but just want there to be some good ones for transfer.

Still nervous.

1st Report

Boy, that was a long day waiting for the doc to call and let us know how it went.

10 eggs retrieved. 9 were mature.

Fertilization report will come sometime today.

Still don't know if it will be a 3 day or 5 day transfer.

Nervous.

Where did my calm go?

Calm before the storm

I went in for one more lining scan today and it was over 10 which the doc said was good.

The egg retrieval is tomorrow.

Tonight, I am going to write a letter to the donor. We are also going to give her a gift card to a fancy restaurant in town. I don't know what else to give her. Maybe some flowers? What did anyone else do for their egg donor? I just want her to know that we really really appreciate her and what she has done for us cannot be compensated only by money.

The embryo transfer will either be Saturday (3 day) or Monday (5 day). I was mentally prepared for Monday so when she mentioned Saturday, I got nervous all of a sudden. I had worked out how I would spend the weekend, relaxing, a little socializing, and preparing for bed rest. Now, I maybe have to prepare for bed rest on Friday after work.

They'll call me after the egg retrieval tomorrow and give me an idea but we won't really know until they see how they fertilize and progress.

I really can't believe I am already here. It seemed like such a long wait and now tomorrow the embryos will be created (please, let them be created). That's amazing. I'm calm but excited. I'm really excited. This could work.

15 Follicles!

I got the call from the RE and everything is going well. The donor was there this morning and she has 15 follicles!! The retrieval will be on Wednesday and DH will go in for his part on Wednesday morning.

This is VERY EXCITING. Though it feels weird to not be a part of it at this point. My body is not overloaded with follicles and I don't feel like I have golf balls in there, etc. I have been taking drugs but my body feels pretty mellow. As does my mind. It's a weird, removed feeling. Though I guess I am removed from the process at this point. I think I will go out to lunch with DH like we did after the IUIs. Celebrate the potential that our child(ren) was (were) created on that day. And I will feel a little more connected to the process.

I start the progesterone tomorrow.

WOW. ET in one week.

I was out of town for a few days and wasn't able to update.

I took my last shot of lupron tonight. That was my last shot and it felt good.

I went in on Wednesday am for a scan of my lining. It looked great according to the PA. I don't have to go in again until the embryo transfer. That seems so crazy to me to not have to get scans and blood tests every other day. The transfer is not scheduled until a week from Monday and they don't need to see me until that day. Wow. I guess they know what they are doing.

The donor went in on Wednesday as well for her first u/s and blood test. She was supposed to go in again on Friday. I haven't heard anything since I was gone. I'll call Monday and find out how things are progressing for her. If we stay on schedule, the egg retrieval will be on Wednesday. That's is getting pretty darn close. This is really happening.

I'm still feeling calm - "let's see how this all unfolds" - which a little surprises me. When it is my follicles that are developing, I'm so anxious all the time. This time it is truly out of my hands (and my body). I'm sure I'll feel different once the embryos (please let there be embryos) are made and were waiting for the various reports.

I'm ever thankful for the donor. I know she is being compensated but it we had unlimited resources, we would compensate her even more. It's a huge things she is doing for us. Let's hope it works!

Hopes for the Egg Donor

I can't help but think of the donor as she starts her stims today. I hope she is feeling confident in her decision to do this and not wondering why she ever agreed to such an idea.

I remember the first time I gave myself a shot in the belly. I was terrified and thought about it all day, worried if I would be able to go through with it. Of course I did and now I give my shots very causally without much thought.

But I did it for myself and my chance to have a baby. She is doing it for me (though she doesn't know me). I know she is getting some money. A lot of money to me but in the big picture, $5,000 is not that much compensation. Is the money for a down payment on a house, to pay off credit card bills, or to take a dream vacation? I know she is motivated by more than money but I do wonder what this bring to her life besides helping someone else to start a family.

I appreciate her more than she will ever know. When I was in college, many years ago, there was an article about egg donation. I read the article with interest and decided that the process was way more than I could handle. Of course, now I wish I had been the generous sort who did that (though maybe my eggs were crap back then, too) and I could have paid off those college loans a lot earlier. But at the time, it seemed way too invasive. So I appreciate the fact that someone would agree to donate after learning everything that is involved.

I hope she is calm and confident and not second guessing her decision. I hope the shots don't sting or cause a whelp. I hope her young child doesn't see the medications and thing that her mommy is sick. I hope she and her husband are in agreement with this endeavor and that is doesn't cause any tension in the household. I hope she is not doing it out of complete financial duress and is resentful.

I guess what I am getting at is that I hope these eggs are being created in positive circumstances for her and her family. I hope she considers this process a gift that she is giving willingly.

Please send good thoughts and vibes to my egg donor.

God bless her.

I had my first hot flash - not as fun as you might think

I wasn't expecting hot flashes just yet but I read that one of the side effects of Lupron is hot flashes.

I was doing something at work and all of a sudden, my whole body was overheated and sweating. My legs were dripping with sweat. I asked the person working with me is she was hot and she said no, she was very comfortable. I then realized it was a hot flash. It lasted about 5 minutes.

Everything is going swimmingly here. I am still calm and waiting for it all to unfold. It is amazing that we have this chance.

Last night I talked with my brother who just had his 5th child. yes, five. And he is planning to get a vasectomy to make sure they don't accidently get another child. So not my problem. We've never used birth control in nearly 5 years (except when it was fertility related).

The week of vacation was just what I needed. We went to a remote place with no phones, stores, restaurants, computers, etc. and just relaxed. We brought all of our food/drinking water and once we arrived, didn't use the car. It was wonderful! I read a bunch of books and took a lot of naps.

Before I left, I was really stressed about the upcoming donor cycle and now I am very calm and ready to go through with it and see what happens. I had an appointment with the RE yesterday to make sure my ovaries were properly suppressed from two weeks of Lupon and they were. They also took blood and threw in a pap smear for good measure. It's funny, I used to dread pap smears but now they are no big deal at all.

I start the estadial and a baby aspirin today. The donor will start her stims this Saturday and then we are off and running.

I'm thrilled that we are finally at this point. I'm calm. I'm hopeful. I'm grateful for the opportunity.

I'm ready.