I went to the RE. When we had the mother of all BFNs in August, she told me that I could come in for a followup appointment to learn what happened with our cycle. I delayed and delayed and even canceled one appointment. I didn't want to go back but I did want to know what happened with our cycle.
I mean, for $30,000 down the drain, I think I should know what they think went wrong.
Here's what I heard:
-the sperm looked good
-my uterus looked good
-my lining was excellent
-the embryos looked great on date 3, pretty good on day 5 (when we did the transfer), and horrible on day 6 (which left none to freeze).
-they have not let the egg donor donate again.
She thought I would be pregnant when I walked out of the transfer since things looked pretty good. They were all disappointed on my behalf.
She acknowledged that it was probably hard for me to walk in the door and I said yes, it was. It was horrible to be there. I think over the past 2 years, I have been there about 70 times. That's a boatload of visits. So we commiserated for a while and then she went over my options:
- do nothing and live childfree
- do egg donor again though if we did it again, she would only let us use a proven egg donor and she recommends that we consider using donor sperm on a portion (.25) of the eggs to see if there is a difference with the embryos. If there is, we will at least have something to work with. Not a bad idea.
- split a donor cycle with someone to save money. We'll have less to work with but it will be somewhat less expensive.
- get on their embryo donation list. They do have folks who donate their leftover embryos and they keep of list of those interested in receiving them. It would cost between $3 - 5,000 to do a transfer of donated embryos.
- do two more IUIs. I have already done six, which I thought was her limit, but the first two were on clomid. So she said it would be ok to do two more. My insurance does cover IUIs minus about $500. She said my last IUI was my best response - that was when I used the maximum dosage of gonal f. My chances aren't great but it could be worth a try if I could handle it emotionally.
Whew. I left confused.
I was not expecting options. I was just expecting information. I had told myself we were done with the IF business and on to adoption.
We won't do donor egg again - there is no way to justify the expense. DH wants to get on the embryo donation list. I don't have any problem with that. The doc said she has no way of knowing how long it would take to get a call since not everyone agrees to donate their extra embryos.
I am interested in trying IUI again because, well, what the heck. DH is worried about the impact of those max level drugs on me plus the chance of down syndrome,etc, if we use my eggs. Plus he doesn't want the likely disappointment.
I want to keep moving forward with the adoption plan no matter what. The IUI has a low chance and who knows if/when we would be called for a donor embryo.
Argh. Back to decision making again. I am sick of making decisions that go nowhere.