Tuesday, December 2, 2008

We are on the embryo donation list but it doesn't make us feel any better

I called the RE yesterday and asked to be put on the embryo donation list. She said that we are number 6. That is shorter than I expected. She said it would be at least 6 months. That's about the same amount of time it will take us to go through the adoption stuff so I'm sure there will be some heart wrenching decision waiting for us in 6 months.

We are undecided about trying IUI again. Why bring more disappointment into our lives. Sure, I could do and just assume it won't work and then if it does I'll be overjoyed. But we all know how it works. Hope gets in there and there is no way to get through a BFN with out being hugely disappointed, no matter how much you expected it to fail.

DH is getting depressed. So am I. We just want something that will work. Not a foster adopt situation that may end up with a child going back to his or her birth parent. Not an IUI that probably won't work. Not an embryo donation that, let's be honest, probably won't work. We want something to work. We're willing to work hard to get it but we need it to work. We don't need to spend 6 months on paperwork and invasive interviews only to have a child get yanked from our loving arms. We don't need to wait for this precious donated embryo, fork over $5,000, put all of our hopes into it, and then have it not work. We don't need these situations.

Are we asking for a miracle here?

Is wanting to be a parent asking too much of the world? It feels like it sometimes. As DH said this morning, can't we call in a chit at this point? We're good people. He's a teacher, I work for a non-profit. We both served in the Peace Corps. We recycle. We don't drink and drive. We pick up our dog's poop when on a walk. We give to the poor. We turn off the sprinklers when it rains. We use compact florescent light bulbs. We vote. We voted no on prop 8. We pray. We've been model citizens working for the betterment of our community and our world. Doesn't any of that count?


Sue said...

I think it's so hard to be in limbo like you are now. I do firmly believe something will work out for you in the end, but I'm just so sorry you're currently stuck wondering when and why life is so unfair. Please know that you are in my thoughts and that my fingers are crossed for something to happen sooner rather than later.

Wordgirl said...

It should count damn it.

It really should.

I understand.



Leslee said...

It should count. It really should. I hope that it does, and soon.

Mrs. B said...

I think that it all counts, I'm just not sure WHEN it counts. I used to say the exact same thing when we were going through our 2 1/2 yr battle and I never got an answer I liked. I think that sometimes life just isn't fair and it sucks.

I'll be praying for you (and i don't even pray, so that's saying a lot!)

Lorraine said...

Of course it counts. I think it counts in that horrible way that maybe isn't going to be obvious for a while, but it has to count in the long run.

I just hope the long run isn't much more than those 6 months...best wishes to you both.

Karen said...

oh, sweetie. I laughed out loud when you said, "We recycle." And then I cried as I continued to read on.

I don't comment often, because I know that it's hard to hear from people that have made it to the other side. It sucks, really.

All of this sucks. You are faced with a lot of impossible choices. Horrible ones.

All of those things should count. You are good people. Wanting a child this much? It should count for everything in the world. It should! I want this for you more than anything. And I'm thinking of you, and praying for you, and hoping for you.

I wish you peace. And success. And parenthood.

Summer said...

Just the fact that you have put so much time, energy and effort (not to mention money) into all your treatments should be enough to count.

I know it's hard to hope that any of the options you have will work at this point. So I will be hoping for you.

Me said...

Unfortunately, no, none of that matters. And it sucks. And it's not fair. ((HUGS))

HatCreekGal said...

I've been there... especially when you hear about a child who has died as a result of abuse! Why God? Why did you give those horrible parents a baby and not me???

I would like to encourage you in your exploration of adoption though. So what if it takes six months or even longer? If you really want children that badly, isn't it worth the 'wait'?

We women have been deceived into thinking that we 'control' when/if/how we are going to have children... and we wait until we are in our late 30s and early 40s to start. The biological truth is that women's bodies are designed to have children at younger ages.

I should know! I carried my first child at the age of 45 (see there is still some hope!) And she is my genetic child, conceived in the good old-fashioned way - SEX!

I think embryo adoption is also a fine alternative, but you're right, you are not 'guaranteed' a baby. Who says any of us is 'guaranteed' a baby?

Keep doing 'good' things because they are the right thing to do, not because they will earn you a baby. Certainly I understand your frustration, depression, longing, anger - I waited 10 years for my child.

Time is not up yet!

Anonymous said...

I am happy to share my experience. I contacted Ukrainian clinic BioTexCom after having negative experiences from a center in the UK. The UK center was negative because of my age at 46. I decided to look elsewhere. I contacted various IVF clinics throughout Europe. I was apprehensive about the language barrier and the clinic helping to create a wonderful baby. I contacted the coordinator at BioTexCom who was immediately receptive, very professional and answered all my questions and concerns. They were very clear from the beginning about what the treatment would entail including precise costs and timings which were important to us. We opted for a donor whom this clinic carefully matched to me in physical appearance such as height, eye and hair color and interests. The process was very simple and flights were booked easily to Kiev. The housing which was given by BioTexCom was fantastic. The clinic was immaculate and the manager I encountered spoke excellent English and was extremely professional and put us at ease. The treatment was very straightforward. We were kept up to date at every step and there was no anxiety or stress. We are delighted with not one but twin gorgeous babies who fit in perfectly in appearance to our other children. I could not praise this clinic and their staff enough as they were all truly amazing and so understanding and supportive. I’m so grateful to them for helping us create truly wonderful babies and making our family complete!