I called the RE yesterday and asked to be put on the embryo donation list. She said that we are number 6. That is shorter than I expected. She said it would be at least 6 months. That's about the same amount of time it will take us to go through the adoption stuff so I'm sure there will be some heart wrenching decision waiting for us in 6 months.
We are undecided about trying IUI again. Why bring more disappointment into our lives. Sure, I could do and just assume it won't work and then if it does I'll be overjoyed. But we all know how it works. Hope gets in there and there is no way to get through a BFN with out being hugely disappointed, no matter how much you expected it to fail.
DH is getting depressed. So am I. We just want something that will work. Not a foster adopt situation that may end up with a child going back to his or her birth parent. Not an IUI that probably won't work. Not an embryo donation that, let's be honest, probably won't work. We want something to work. We're willing to work hard to get it but we need it to work. We don't need to spend 6 months on paperwork and invasive interviews only to have a child get yanked from our loving arms. We don't need to wait for this precious donated embryo, fork over $5,000, put all of our hopes into it, and then have it not work. We don't need these situations.
Are we asking for a miracle here?
Is wanting to be a parent asking too much of the world? It feels like it sometimes. As DH said this morning, can't we call in a chit at this point? We're good people. He's a teacher, I work for a non-profit. We both served in the Peace Corps. We recycle. We don't drink and drive. We pick up our dog's poop when on a walk. We give to the poor. We turn off the sprinklers when it rains. We use compact florescent light bulbs. We vote. We voted no on prop 8. We pray. We've been model citizens working for the betterment of our community and our world. Doesn't any of that count?