The Barren Bi*ches virtual book club read the book Waiting for Daisy by Peggy Orenstein. I highly recommend it and I am glad I read it.
Here are my answers to three questions:
You can tell from the title of the book that the author eventually becomes a mom. How did this knowledge affect you as you read? Were you hoping for a certain outcome -- unassisted pregnancy, medical miracle, child through foster or adoption...or possibly even dreading a happy ending? To what degree does your own experience filter into the unfolding of Orenstein's experience?
I was happy going into the book that it was going to have a positive outcome. That made it much easier to suffer through the trials and tribulations with her. I was actually hoping it was going to be an adopted baby from Japan. I guess I thought that those children really needed a home and that it would be a good fit her and her husband. I’m glad she got pregnant naturally, though, because as a 41 year old, that gave me hope. My story is not exactly like hers – I always wanted children, I just took too long to find that right guy to have them with.
Peggy Orenstein writes: "Swallowing that little white pill was the first time I did something I swore I wouldn't in order to get pregnant: I willingly put my health on the line." Do you believe you've put your health on the line by ingesting hormones, etc.? Is it a decision you'd make again for the chance to get pregnant? How far would you go? How strong has your primal urge been?
I always thought if I couldn’t get pregnant, we would just adopt. Just like that. I didn’t know much about adoption or fertility treatments but when it came time to make some decisions, it actually seemed much easier to try to get pregnant with a little help than to try adoption. Adoption seems very complicated while, initially, taking Clomid and then having an IUI did not seem like a big deal. It seemed like the less painful way to build a family. Honestly, I thought the first (or maybe 2nd) IUI would work. I didn’t think I would have to consider injectables but after two failed IUI’s, I wanted to put the best chance forward and what’s a few shots? Now that that hasn’t worked and my body is screwed up (I have a cyst), I find myself thinking of adoption again.
For the record, I am very willing to try IVF, I just don’t know that I am a good candidate for it so all options are on the table. I don’t think I will “just” adopt. I think it if we adopt, it will be a long and costly journey ( both financially and emotionally) but I think we are willing to go that distance to start a family.
Actually, a friend of mine has offered her two snowflakes. Our initial response was no, we would never do that – it would be too weird to have someone’s child that we know. But now, 6 months into this with the clock ticking (I’m 41), a donor embryo is an option and is ahead of adoption. It seems easier than adoption. It’s all frickin scary.
Peggy Orenstein writes that her first reaction to donor eggs was, "Using donor eggs was so Handmaid's Tale. Once again I thought, I'd never be that desperate for a child?" What was your initial reaction to the idea of donor eggs? Did your opinion change over time? If you were successful, would you tell your children that they were conceived using donor eggs? Why or why not?
Per my answer to the earlier questions, initially, donor eggs were off the table. I thought we would adopt before we would ever consider donor eggs. However, now, it seems like a viable idea. The baby would still be mh’s and we would have him or her from birth. This seems like an easier option than adoption. I know I keep saying that about adoption but I should disclose that tonight we are going to an adoption seminar (a “what you need to know”) hosted by RESOLVE. If we were successful, I would definitely tell my child when the time came though I don’t know that I would tell relatives and friends. I think the child has a right to know his or her heritage and the truth about his or her conception, particulary for medical reasons.
Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/. You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: The Kid by Dan Savage.