Thursday, December 10, 2009

Just when I was moving on

Naturally, as I am moving forward with my grief of my marriage ending and dealing with all of the losses associated with that, and feeling like I am making some headway, the doctor called yesterday to tell me that I am next to receive donated embryos.

They have three embryos that are mine for the taking. (well, once I come up with $7,500).

Are you kidding me?

I had to tell them that my husband left. They said I could still have them even if I am single. Geezus.

Yes, I want to be a mom. No, I am not ready to be a single mom. Not yet. I am just about to go through my first holiday season alone. I have to be stronger to be a single mom. More confident.

I have a week to get back to them.


Christy said...

What a decision to make . . . and what a difficult season to have to make the decision. I feel for you. Keep in mind though, that you wouldn't necessarily be a single parent forever . . . I wish you peace as you ponder this decision.

niobe said...

I think that many, many people don't feel strong enough to be single moms. But, almost always, they and their child(ren) not only manage, but thrive.

And, of course, even if you decided to accept the frozen embryos, it would be a while before you could cycle and another 9 months of pregancy -- so probably at a minimum, you'd be looking at a year from now.

Which is not to say that that's the right choice for you right now. Best wishes. I'll be thinking of you.

Sue said...

I'm sure you can handle more than you think you can, but even so that's a big decision to make in a short amount of time. I wish you much peace in coming to a decision.

Lorraine said...

It's such a modern tale, the woman who wants a baby only gets the chance when it's not a great time for her.

But maybe this is the way that things change for the best? Maybe this is the gain that begins to balance out all of the losses? I know that might just be the happily-ever-after version of things, but sometimes it's nice to think that things might work out that way.

I suspect this is one of those decisions that has to just feel right to you.

Bee Cee said...

Wow - a lot to think about. I wish you happiness, whatever you decide.

Phoebe said...

It sounds like you would consider being a single mom. I like niobe's comment. Maybe you could ask how long it would be before you actually transfer and that would help your decision?

The grief process is really mysterious, and you never know how long it is going to take. I do think it is important to feel resolved in that area before you move on, or at least resolved enough to move on. Sometimes, it might just be a matter of finding the right support to move through the trauma you have experienced. I support you no matter what you decide!

Rebeccah said...

Oh that's a hard one. How exciting that you have this chance, but of course taking a chance at motherhood has to be on your own terms/space/time. I can see how this would be an incredibly difficult time.

That said, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that most people never really feel 100% prepared to be parents, even when they're part of a semi-functioning couple.

Meghan said...

No assvice or anything, just wishing you good luck deciding and a decision you are at peace with

nancy said...

oh damn. I'm sorry you are faced with such a decision!

Dora Q. said...

No advice from here either. Just wishing you peace and calm and a clear head.

Marta Ds said...
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