Thursday, October 16, 2008

I am here

I am still here. I guess I should say something. I haven't known what to say so I've been avoiding this blog and haven't been reading others either.

I feel so defeated.

For the moment, and maybe forever, we have given up on getting pregnant. I just don't think we have the emotional strength to put ourselves through that again. Coincidentally, we don't have the financial strength to do it again either.

We have decided to pursue adoption and have gotten involved in the county adoption system. It will take 3 - 6 months to finish all of our paper works, home studies, courses, etc, and then we will be eligible to take a child who has been taken away from his/her parents. There are siblings as well. This child may be an infant but will more likely be older.

It is very complicated. At times, I am seized with fear that we will get a child who is so wounded that all of our love won't be able to bring him or her to a healthy life. At other times, I am so excited about having children in the house, I don't care what age they are. I want to plan birthday parties, make Halloween costumes, read bedtime stories, and go to soccer games, etc.

DH and I get very excited talking about these potential children and how we will raise them and how the house will be with kids around. We are hopeful.

We have started taking the foster/adoption classes. It is interesting. There are a few folks like us there - who don't have kids and want them. There are others who have children and want more and there are a few who have adopted a slew of kids and want to adopt more. One woman has 8 kids and wants more! I have to say that there is a part of me that wants to yell - "hey, sit on your hands for a while and let the rest of us have a chance!" But that would be dumb because everyone there is adopting a child who has been taken from his or her lame ass parents and deserves to have a loving family.

It is an interesting shift to think about adopting an older child who is in the system (as they say). We will spend time trying to overcome what the child has been through and praying that the child comes to love us and we to love him or her. If I thought getting a donor egg was a leap of faith and a belief in nurture over nature, this is one up from that!

Anyway, safe to say that I have mixed feelings on this. I am glad for the classes as they seem to be very realistic about what to expect. The odds are will us that will end up with a child via this route. And I think that is the most important thing to us. To end up with a child.


Mrs. B said...

I am so glad to hear from you finally. Glad that you seem to be, maybe not at peace yet, but coming to terms with your situation. I hope that you do get to a peaceful place with it. Maybe once the foster kids start arriving!

I am very excited about your newest journey and I look forward to reading more about what all you go through. Please don't stay away so long again!!

nancy said...

I'm just going to leave you with lots of ~hugs~ and some good luck for all that you are starting.

Kami said...

It is good to hear from you and so hope this new path works out wonderfully for you.

I would be scared and excited too.

Summer said...

I'm so glad to see a post from you, although I understand why you had to be away.

I hope this wonderful and scary new path you are on brings you good things. And, I'm looking forward to hearing about it!

Carol said...

Hi there, I recently found your blog, and I wanted to say, we kind of did things backwards--we wound up adopting a foster child first, and now, after other issues, are struggling with the possibility of not being able to have a bio child or even to adopt again. :-(

But I wanted to tell you that while parts of your fears about the wounds your future child may have could turn out to be accurate, there are so many joys when you see a wounded child "blossom". Our DD could not read or write, she could barely write her name at the age of 8 when we got her, now she is reading right at her grade level (9th) and I am so proud of her!!! She has Fetal Alcohol Spectrum disorder, and so there have been a lot of adjustments to be made. And while she is maturity=wise still far behind her classmates, she is still growing and learning every day, and that is a joy. I am very grateful and amazed every day at the wonderful coincidences that brought our family together. I think that as long as you are prepared for the child's issues, you will do just fine, and you will probably do even better than that!!! said...

As a graduate of the Foster Care system, thank you for considering adopting an older child.

Thank you for considering fostering at all. As a child who was very difficult to love, the family that took me in made all the difference in the world to me.

Definitely a different path, but a very valuable one.

I wish you peace with your decision.

Anonymous said...

I am happy to share my experience. I contacted Ukrainian clinic BioTexCom after having negative experiences from a center in the UK. The UK center was negative because of my age at 46. I decided to look elsewhere. I contacted various IVF clinics throughout Europe. I was apprehensive about the language barrier and the clinic helping to create a wonderful baby. I contacted the coordinator at BioTexCom who was immediately receptive, very professional and answered all my questions and concerns. They were very clear from the beginning about what the treatment would entail including precise costs and timings which were important to us. We opted for a donor whom this clinic carefully matched to me in physical appearance such as height, eye and hair color and interests. The process was very simple and flights were booked easily to Kiev. The housing which was given by BioTexCom was fantastic. The clinic was immaculate and the manager I encountered spoke excellent English and was extremely professional and put us at ease. The treatment was very straightforward. We were kept up to date at every step and there was no anxiety or stress. We are delighted with not one but twin gorgeous babies who fit in perfectly in appearance to our other children. I could not praise this clinic and their staff enough as they were all truly amazing and so understanding and supportive. I’m so grateful to them for helping us create truly wonderful babies and making our family complete!