Still plodding a long; still on the pill

Not much to report here. I'm still taking birth control pills and waiting for my next instructions. It's looking like nothing will happen until June. I thought I might start some shots next week but a phone message from the RE yesterday said that it would be the next week.

Here's what has happened:
- the egg donor has completed the blood tests and so far, everything has come back perfect. They are still waiting for the results of one more test (I can't remember what it is)
- the egg donor has had a psych evaluation which went well
- I've given $500 to an attorney who will make the legal contracts for us regarding the egg donation.
- the RE's office has called to give me the financial work up - what my exact costs will be. I haven't received it yet. They said they would e-mail it. I'm hoping that we can come in under $25,000 for everything. That would be nice.

I'm am feeling pretty calm about the whole thing right now. I guess because I am kind of in limbo. It seemed like everything was happening so fast and we had to scramble to get the money and now, we are just waiting again. Once June gets here, it will all happen quickly. And then my anxiety will rise, I'm sure.

My biggest worry is that it will not work. Smart or not, we have put all our eggs in this basket. It seemed like a great plan but I'm plagued with the what ifs. What is none of her eggs fertilize? What if none make it to transfer? What if there are none left to freeze? What if none implant?

What if I don't get pregnant AND there are no embryos on ice? That's my worst fear. DH is very confident about all this but he doesn't read blogs so he doesn't get that everything doesn't always work as planned.

Well, now I've stressed myself out. I can't control any of that so I've got to have faith that it will work. And if it doesn't, we'll regroup and make a plan F or G (I don't know what plan we are on now, but it's well past plan B).

I hope all are well. Enjoy the long weekend!

Things are getting started

Sorry I've been out of touch. I was away on a business trip and didn't have much going on fertility wise.

Thank you for all of the comments on my bio-mom/egg donor question. I think I will use the term egg donor - that's what she is. She has no intention of having anything to do with a child we may conceive with her egg. The child will be nourished and developed in my womb. She is generously donating her egg to us and for that, we are forever grateful. Too bad my eggs are crap - I wish I could return the favor to someone. I'll find some way to pay it forward.

I think the longer I sit with this donor egg idea, the more I am comfortable with it. I told my mother and she was really excited for us. I wasn't sure how she would handle it but she was immediately supportive. She thought we had given up on having a child since I hadn't said anything about it since our last failed IUI in January. It was nice to have her support. I have now told 4 people about it irl and everyone has been supportive. I appreciate their support.

On the fertility front, our $5,000 down payment has been paid. Ouch. That certainly made it seem real. We have the number of the attorney we have to see to sign a bunch of paperwork regarding the donated eggs. And I have started birth control pills. The egg donor has gone in for her initial blood work and we should get things rolling in early June. I will start taking lupron (injection) by the end of May.

This is really happening.

I've been weaning myself off of caffeine. I shouldn't have let myself get back on it but I thought it may be a few more months before all this went down. I'll be off it by the end of the week. I'm someone who gets headaches when I withdraw from caffeine - I have to wean myself from the cup of half decaf in the morning and a diet soda in the afternoon.

I should have my first beta by the 4th of July. Would be nice if there were two reasons to celebrate...