Here's where we are

After a long talk last weekend, dh and I decided that it would be ok for me to tell a few close friends about our plan to use donor eggs. I was finding myself paralyzed and not able to move forward to the next step. I have two very close friends who have been super supportive during my IF journey, as well as all areas of my life. I was having a hard time not sharing with them both because I need their input and support and because it felt horrible to not share this extremely important issue in my life.

So, on Monday morning I called one of my friends and told her everything. She was not surprised and thought this was the direction we were going but she was respecting my privacy. She asuaged my fears about the donor egg child not being part of me, etc. She was great. I felt so much better after talking to her. I think dh and I are just too close to all this sometimes. We worry about the money, the donor, the logistics, etc and all my friend was thinking about was how much we want a child and this is one way to make that happen.

Her support seemed to be what I needed. I called the doctor that afternoon and made an appointment to go in the next day to take another look a the donor book. The same smiley girl jumped out as the number 1 best choice for us. I told the donor coordinator and she said that this donor is cycling this month for another couple but could be available in May/June for me. She will have to ask her if she wants to do it again so soon. May/June is perfect for me. That gives me a few months to continue getting in shape, getting the money organized, and just mentally preparing.

The next day, an old fried who has one child from a donor egg called to talk about something else entirely. I had been thinking of her and planning to call her so this was perfect timing. I told her what was going on and she was super supportive and totally understanding since she went through the same thing about 6 years ago. She understood how weird/stressful it was to pick a donor and the emotions about not having a genetic baby, etc. It was perfect for her to call at that time. I hadn't talked to her in about 6 months. She has one donor egg child and one child with her eggs. She says there is no difference in how she feels about them. She loves them both with all her heart. I know I will love my child with all my heart but it was nice to talk with someone who has been through it.

Needless to say, I am feeling a lot better about this decision and our plans to move forward. I have been in such a good mood lately. I am only now realizing how stressful and depressing the past year has been. The ups, downs and more downs, the drugs, the dashed hopes, etc, have really taken a toll on me. On Thursday, my boss asked me what kind of good news did I get that put me in such a good mood. DH has noticed as well. I am happier now that we are moving forward on this plan that has a good chance for success.

I am happy. I haven't been able to say that for a while. So God bless egg donors and the technology that allows for egg donation. I know this all just hope. And hope has not been very good to me lately. But I'm going to let it ride.