The decision was made

but not by me. I am not legally divorced yet and the fertility clinic called me back and said that if I was still legally married, my husband would have to sign the papers to accept the embryo. So, they agreed to keep me on the list and I can call them back when I am divorced and know that this is something that I want to do.

It was actually a relief as I am not ready to make the decision to attempt to become a single parent. I am still figuring out what I want to do in the future and getting my self organized. It's been a long six months and I think I need at least another 6 months to be able to make this type of decision.

Thank you for your moral support.

Just when I was moving on

Naturally, as I am moving forward with my grief of my marriage ending and dealing with all of the losses associated with that, and feeling like I am making some headway, the doctor called yesterday to tell me that I am next to receive donated embryos.

They have three embryos that are mine for the taking. (well, once I come up with $7,500).

Are you kidding me?

I had to tell them that my husband left. They said I could still have them even if I am single. Geezus.

Yes, I want to be a mom. No, I am not ready to be a single mom. Not yet. I am just about to go through my first holiday season alone. I have to be stronger to be a single mom. More confident.

I have a week to get back to them.