Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I'm back

Where have I been? Well, between going somewhere every weekend,organizing a big fundraiser for my work, and dealing the death and funeral of a beloved uncle who died way too young (55!), it's been a long month. I've been exhausted. And I'm so thankful I chose to take a break from fertility treatments. I'm sure this would not have been a good cycle.

So, fertility issues have not been foremost in my mind as I am free from the myriad of doctor appointments and injections, but don't worry, I haven't forgot about it entirely.

As soon as cycle day 1 arrives, I'll call the doctor and start bcp to suppress the ovaries. Then, I will hopefully start with the medications right after the new year. The thing that runs through my mind constantly is whether or not this is going to be a wasted effort and a waste of our hard earned resources. There has not been much good news for my age group lately. I've done 5 IUIs with nary a bfp.

I feel like I am going through with the IVF cycle just to prove that I can't get pregnant. To demonstrate that I tried everything medically possible. To get an A for effort. I don't have hope that it will actually work. So why I am throwing $10,000 or so at this?

I think it will allow me to move on. In January, we will have been married for 4 years; for the past 3 years, we've been trying to get pregnant (with one year under the RE's care). This has been a long haul. This has been tiring. This hasn't felt like moving forward - it has felt like running in place. Wanting a child and having a child are not the same. I don't want to keep wanting a child. I want to have a child to raise.

So, this $10,000 investment will allow me and dh to move on. I think it is more important for him to see that we have tried everything. I think that when this fails, he will be ready to try the next thing - egg donation or adoption. And those both have a much high chance of success.

5 comments:

Meghan said...

welcome back. So sorry to hear about your uncle.

Good luck with your ivf. And you're right, its important to think you've done everything you can before taking the next step

K said...

I'm glad you're back! I'm totally with you...we're probably going to do one more IVF cycle in the new year too, and lately I've been feeling.....realistic?? Basically feeling like it's not likely to work. And.....that maybe that will be OK? I've been doing a lot of research on adoption, which has begun to excite me, and I'm starting to get a feeling that perhaps we're meant to adopt? I don't know....we'll see what the new year brings. I wish you all the success you so deserve, and I'll be checking back regularly for updates!

CAM said...

Welcome back! I like that idea of New year...new cycle. Thats how I have been coping too. I just want to get through to the end of this totally crappy year and start fresh.
Here's to 2008!
:)

Swim said...

I'm hoping the new year brings us both good hearty cycles.

Fingers crossed!

Mrs. B said...

Welcome back! I am so glad to hear that you have made your decision. It sounds like you have reached some peace about what may or may not happen and I think that's great. I'm proud of you...