I'm back

Where have I been? Well, between going somewhere every weekend,organizing a big fundraiser for my work, and dealing the death and funeral of a beloved uncle who died way too young (55!), it's been a long month. I've been exhausted. And I'm so thankful I chose to take a break from fertility treatments. I'm sure this would not have been a good cycle.

So, fertility issues have not been foremost in my mind as I am free from the myriad of doctor appointments and injections, but don't worry, I haven't forgot about it entirely.

As soon as cycle day 1 arrives, I'll call the doctor and start bcp to suppress the ovaries. Then, I will hopefully start with the medications right after the new year. The thing that runs through my mind constantly is whether or not this is going to be a wasted effort and a waste of our hard earned resources. There has not been much good news for my age group lately. I've done 5 IUIs with nary a bfp.

I feel like I am going through with the IVF cycle just to prove that I can't get pregnant. To demonstrate that I tried everything medically possible. To get an A for effort. I don't have hope that it will actually work. So why I am throwing $10,000 or so at this?

I think it will allow me to move on. In January, we will have been married for 4 years; for the past 3 years, we've been trying to get pregnant (with one year under the RE's care). This has been a long haul. This has been tiring. This hasn't felt like moving forward - it has felt like running in place. Wanting a child and having a child are not the same. I don't want to keep wanting a child. I want to have a child to raise.

So, this $10,000 investment will allow me and dh to move on. I think it is more important for him to see that we have tried everything. I think that when this fails, he will be ready to try the next thing - egg donation or adoption. And those both have a much high chance of success.