4 Big Fat

negatives.

I spent the weekend in Mexico in a little house near the Pacific Ocean 16 miles down a dirt road: solar power for a few lights, no phone, no cell phone coverage, no TV, no newspaper, no Internet, but yes, home pregnancy tests (I brought them myself).

I tested once each and every day, giving that little blue line every opportunity to show. Alas, it did not.

I will still go in for the blood test tomorrow, just to make damn sure. I mean, can you really count on those hpts?

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I really appreciate those of you who were willing to believe that 4 hpts could be wrong! But they weren't. The blood test was negative. I should have started on Sunday but I know it will be a few days since I was using progester.one and that delays my cycle. Hopefully, it will start sometine this week and I can give it another try.

And the result is...

sorry! I didn't poas yet (as I don't have any in house) and now I am getting ready to leave for a 4 day mini vacation where I will not have access to the internet.

So, I will bring some hpts and I will poas at some point over the weekend (holding out as long as I can) but I won't be able to let you all in on the results until I get back Monday evening. Sorry, the suspense is killing me, too!

For the record, I am feeling no suspicious symptoms - it is probably a bust but I'll test anyway.

Have a great weekend!

Freaky Progesterone Dream

I don't really remember all the details but I know it involved a centaur and someone shooting flaming arrows from a bow. It was like being stuck in the land of Robin Hood meets Narnia or something. My husband was the hero of the dream. What a guy!

The 2ww continues.

What Can I Say?

It's Tuesday and I don't have the blood test until Monday so I'm just trying the pass the time. Luckily, it's very busy at work so time flies while I am there.

It's funny, when I'm in the 2ww, I pay attention to every feeling, twinge, possible symptom in my body, usually convincing myself that I must be pregnant because I have never felt that before. And when, inevitably, my cycle starts, I realize that I was just feeling the same things I feel every month (and have felt every month for the past xx years) but I'm just paying extra attention.

I'm trying not to fall for that this time.

I will poas on Sunday.

Dreams and Waiting but not Dreams of Waiting

There's not much to say. I'm not even half way through the two week wait. I started the progester.one on Wednesday night and I have been having some weird weird dreams. They are like sci fi movies. Vivid interesting dreams and luckily not dreams about the two week wait (that would make for a really long night). I blame the dreams on the progester.one because normally my dreams are pretty mundane.

I'm trying to find ways to keep myself busy and occupied. Luckily, it's a busy time at work so the days go by quickly. Here's to a fast two week wait!

Is it Too Soon to Poas?

I am starting to feel good about this cycle and I know that is a dangerous place to be. When it started I was not hopeful at all - just going through the motions since this is what I am doing with my life right now. I was dreading the start of my cycle because I didn't really want to go to the doctor again and get wanded and have blood drawn - since I skipped two long cycles, I had gotten out of the habit.

I didn't have to come late to work and sneak out for blood tests and take secret calls in the afternoon where I shut my door and whispered about medicines. I was just going about my normal life and even getting back to feeling normal.

Then last week it all started again. I did a lousy job with the shots - I have marks all over my stomach. I was late to a meeting at work. I screwed up ordering my medicine ( actually some of my meds expired from last time and I had to order them again). I've had three separate deliveries arrive on my porch in small Styrofoam boxes.

I am consumed by my fertility treatments. I went from 0 - 60 in just a few days.

But I've been sleeping, I've been relaxed, I haven't been hopeful.

Until today with the news of 5 even sized follicles. I know, there still has to be at least one good one in there but these are better odds than we've had. And if it doesn't work, at least my response to the meds is going in the right direction. The last 4 months have been a mess and I was starting to think this just wasn't going to work for me. That we couldn't even consider IVF because I would always have one lead follicle and not be able to generate more eggs. But these five follicles are something to talk about (which I did - I called my mother and bragged about them).

So, there you have it - I haven't even had the IUI, haven't felt odd twinges in my gut, there's no blue vein in my breast, I am not even the slightest bit queasy, I am not 13 pdo with no sign of af, - but I am ready to poas.

5 is the Magic Number

I have five nice sized follicles - all around the same size. This is great news - the last attempts I always had one lead follicle and it was hard (if not impossbible) for the others to catch up. All five were in one ovary - the other ovary has nothing going on.

I'll go back on Friday and hopefully have the IUI on Sunday or Monday. I will keep taking ganareli.x to stop me from ovulating along with the other two meds (gona.l f and hcg). 3 shots a day is a pain but well worth it if it works.

Yeah! So far, this cycle is going well.

Dirt vs. Western Medicine

First, the dirt on the dirt: I was wrong - the dirt wasn't from Guatemala - it is from New Mexico. It is from the Santuario de Chimay.o and it is called Blessed Dirt. Supposedly, two women who were having trouble getting pregnant rubbed this very dirt on their guts, said a little prayer, and the next cycle, you guessed it, they were pregnant. I have not had such luck though I did credit the dirt with eliminating (or greatly reducing) a cyst. I did try it again this month but as I am only on cd 8, I don't know if it worked... yet. If it does work, I'll send samples out to all who request it. It's easier than mailing needles through the mail.

Back to Western Medicine, I went to the doctor yesterday. I have 3 nice follicles on one side and I'm not sure what I have on the other side but no one seems worried so I'm not either.

I started ganarelli.x yesterday morning to stop me from ovulating early. Ganarelli.x really hurts going in and then it stings for about 30 minutes afterwards -has anyone else had that problem? I'm glad to give it to myself in the morning rather than in the evening with the other two shots. I will potentially have the IUI on Friday (which would be cd 11) but we'll know for sure on Wednesday when I go in for another appointment.

I am not hopeful for this cycle but I am a lot calmer and maybe that will help the cause. Last time I did an injectible cycle, I was really stressed out. I dreaded the shots everyday. This time, I haven't been a very good shot giver and I have bruises all over my stomach.

That's the update for now.

New Doctor New Plan

I went to the doctor yesterday. Seems like forever since I have been there. My doctor has left the practice to move back to his home state so I got a new doctor (there are only two at this practice). The new doctor was very nice and was disappointed in how things have gone for me over the past 7.5 months (I've only had 3 IUI) and she wants to get a handle on my situation. For that, I am extremely grateful.

My cyst is still there a little. So in addition to not helping me get pregnant, the dirt didn't really work on the cyst end of things either. But it is not producing estrogen so she thought it was ok to proceed since my other ovary was "pretty" (I swear, that's what she said). Many antral follicles and everything looked good.

She gave me two options:

-Start stimming tonight 300 gona.l f and then have an IUI when the time comes
or
-skip this cycle, come in in 2 weeks and then she would put me on estrogen, and then on the first day of my next cycle, stim at 450 gona.l f which is the max, and see how I do. If I have a lot of follicles, she will convert me to IVF. If not, we'll do an IUI again.

Mostly for $ reasons but also I want to see how I react to the drugs one more time before I bump up to 450, mh and I decided to go with the 300/IUI option. We can try the higher dosage next time if we want.

I have only actually done one full cycle of medicated IUI and the results were just fair so I want to see what happens this time with a slightly higher dose.

So, last night I was back at the shots. I don't like doing them and I had trouble falling asleep again. I need to get back on my swimming routine so I am exhausted by the end of the day.

That's the current news. I'll go back on Monday for another scan and bloodtest.

I hope everyone is well.